Go, Go, Second Time Student

June 2, 2010 at 11:19 am | Posted in Self-importance | 22 Comments

“Yet a fear remained, which for all his clarity of mind he could not yet examine. He knew it was there. He felt his presence as surely as one feels the menace of a nearby flame; yet he could not turn to it and acknowledge it.”

(Cry to Heaven by Anne Rice)

In plain English, I’m scared shitless.

I don’t know what having no shit has to do with being frightened, the phrase really makes no sense, but I guess that’s the only way to express how extremely scared I am. For the future, that is.

I’ve just been accepted to University of Toronto. That’s what I call skills, boy. Haha. Hopefully, they were impressed by my grades. But being the cynical and realistic person that I am, I’m guessing that they have lowered their standards just so they can fill in the empty spots in the program. But this is great, since I can just easily get to school on a bike. And if I walked, it would probably only take me about 30 minutes. Sayonara, unreliable public transportation.

This means we’re now going to take it more seriously, from here on, kiddo. Now you listen, you have to reduce the number of films you watch in a week. From about 15 films a week to 2-3 films a week. I know that’s eventually going to drive you nuts especially from the tons of reading and studying you’ll be doing, but you’re also going to have to fit in exercise, blogging, reading novels, and part-time work in your tight schedule. So much for my almost non-existent social life. So Chris, you’ll probably be a mental case by the end of the school year then. But that’s okay, at least you’ll have satisfactory grades?

We’re entering a more competitive environment this time; I can already feel the almost wildlife-like atmosphere at the university, people preying on one another, leeching on another for selfish interests, and doing everything to get the juicy prey, the job, the reward. Not that this is any different from a community college, but this time we’re dealing with more ambitious people and people who actually have the brains. You heard me.

I never liked uncertainty. That’s why I probably chose something more practical before. How foolish I was back then. My past self has failed to realize that I can’t stomach being in an office all day long, working on the computer, with a bunch of yuppies and capitalists for workmates. I can’t imagine being a slave to this capitalist system of ours. And for a measly amount of $10.50-$16.00 / hour. No thank you. To hell with it, I am just going to be a psychologist, with a majority of upper-class and bourgeoisie clients, and blame their unhappiness, dissatisfaction in life and feelings of having no purpose to their consumerist habits, willingness to accept everything for what it is without questioning it, and the hellish impact of mainstream culture and capitalist propaganda on their lives and their puny heads. Bohahahaha.

We’re entering unfamiliar territory now. Prepare yourself for those tyrannical teachers and megalomaniac students who will look down on you. They’ll be torturing you not physically but with their fake smiles, annoying small talk and unyielding conformity to social norms. We’re putting in a lot of money here, and the student loans are just going to accumulate year by year, not to mention the fiendish interests. And you don’t even like owing someone any amount of money for a long period of time. No more tomfoolery. You have already gotten rid of the idea that maybe you might have some creative inclinations in you for the possibilities of pursuing something like journalism and film studies. You just don’t. You weren’t given at least that. It’s not practical, what you’re pursuing. It requires more effort, wait, even twice the work for you since English is still not a language you’ve fully mastered. But you can’t imagine yourself doing anything else. If it means a lot of questioning and hesitations from almost everyone else you know, so be it. We’ll make it.

Go, go, second time virgin student.



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  1. congratulations Chris!

    never take this opportunity for granted. or the Devil will steal all your gay porn collections. hehe.

    15 films a week?! HOLY JESUS IS LORD MOVEMENT!

    • Naku wag naman po sana. Kinaiingat-ingatan ko pa naman yung gay porn stash ko dito. Sige aayusin ko na at seseryosohin ko na po.
      Anything but my gay porn collection! Hahahaha.

  2. Congratulations! Sana magustuhan mo ang mga titser na akala mo hindi dumaan sa buhay estudyante dahil sa sobrang kuripot magbigay ng grade. πŸ™‚

    • Yes, grabe, I can’t wait to be bombarded with tons of work by merciless teachers, can’t wait to find my papers given lower grades than what I have expected. Can’t wait…. πŸ˜›

  3. wait wait, so are you taking Psychology? mahina ako sa context clues. haha.

    good for you chris. i remember reading one of your posts before, and you were unhappy back then, taking accounting (tama ba?). now, i feel like you’re sooo excited, you’re feeling so damn scared! it’s good to be scared by the way. πŸ˜€

    • Yes, psychology, if you didn’t already get the idea from this post :P. I like to be subtle sometimes, ya know.
      Hopefully, I’ll get used to university life pretty quickly :). Damit pambahay na lang din siguro ako since lapit-lapit lang sa bahay e, haha. O_O
      I’m always fucking scared and anxious, hehe. Is that good? πŸ˜›

      • what are you anxious about ba?

        i hope you’d meet hot guys on school!!! be like one of them Gossip Girls, dress up! kidding πŸ˜›

      • I’m anxious about everything and nothing. Haha, that’s deep.
        Wish ko lang, noh? πŸ˜›
        Oh, the Gossip Girls characters went to university? I thought they were too shallow and too dumb for that. πŸ˜› Peace.

      • hahahaha. i think you can pass as one those Mean Girls, este Mean Guys. πŸ˜›

  4. Wow Grats Chris!

  5. ok, 2 things that struck me: the university lowering their standards and you not yet a master of the english language. Seriously? Seriously!

    Haha! But i guess it’s just you being modest. Hehe. Goodluck, chris! I have no doubt you’d wow them all!

    • Hehe, you should hear me speak in English XD. I’m not that good, orally.
      I’m too pessimistic so I always assume the worst, hehe. Sorry, it’s ingrained in me.
      Thank you, though :).

      • you said you were thinking of something else when i mentioned facials. now it’s my turn. i was thinking of something else when you mentioned, “I’m not that good, orally.”

      • Jayvie, I wouldn’t know about that yet XD.
        Um, I’ll try to hone my oral skills then, hahaha. =O

  6. Kung nakinig ka saken dati, hindi ka sana second time student. Tsk tsk. Psych den pala iuuwi mo. Haha.

    Anyways, marunong ka ba mag bike? Hindi ko naaalala kung isa ka sa mga nang aasar saken na hindi ako marunong mag bike. Pero halos lahat naman ng kilala ko inaasar ako tungkol dyan kaya, ikaw pa, malamang sa malamang nangunguna ka. Hahaha.

    I don’t even have time to watch a single film in a week. Goodluck to keeping your sanity. I know how hard adjusting to new places can get.

    • Please, you’re going to make me cry again :P. I was being stupid and stubborn back then.
      Yehey, I know how to ride a bike, you don’t. Behlat. I learned at a later age though (14) so it’s never too late even for you.
      Yes, I might have teased you a bit but don’t think I don’t sympathize, hehe.
      I can even stand while pedalling now. Tuwa naman ako XD.

  7. Congratulations, sir!

    I love studying so much I could study for the rest of my life (believe it or not). Heh. Edi ikaw na ang University of Toronow. Hrhrhr.

    What course will you take, anyway?

    • As long as it’s not for exams, I like finding out new and interesting stuff as well, this I guess constitutes as studying, gaining new knowledge, right? πŸ˜›
      Are you making fun of the way they pronounce Toronto? Hehe.
      Psychology. Yeah, I know, good luck with that.

      • Not really, it’s just amusing how they say Toronto (the slang way).

        Psychology huh. Pretty interesting, especially with the phallic-anal-oral thing. Just awesome. :))

  8. wow, i didn’t know you ARE in canada. what course are you taking? there are a bunch of friends going back to school this year and it’s good news that, at last, i am one of those.

    incidentally, my bestfriend is in missisauga, or how do you spell it. i am too lazy to google it.

    • Mississauga :).
      Psychology. What course are you taking too? Yes, a lot of people seem to be studying again, after working a bit, pursuing the course that they’re really interested in. I’m not one of them though. Good luck to us :).

      • a psychology major friend used to tell me “it’s not psycho, it’s psyche, psycho.” which made me think of marian rivera who said “psychology kaya ako.” lol

        i primarily took ab journalism, but after stopover, planned to take up english. yea, hell. not really far from what i do for a living. haha

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