A fussy and irritable father

April 13, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Posted in Melancholia | 10 Comments

Instead of working on an assignment due this Thursday even though I know that I won’t be able to find time to do this tomorrow, I decided to watch Mike de Leon’s Kisapmata. Which makes me feel happy about my decision since the film is, if not enjoyable, awesome (I don’t think a film about a tyrannical, psychopathic father can ever be called enjoyable). If I did my assignment instead, I would be so bored to death with business strategies blah blah blah. I just make up crap anyway. As long as I sound like I know what I’m talking about, they give me grades that are satisfying enough, considering the lack of effort on my part.

“Bigyan niyo po kami, bigyan niyo po kami ng tinapay.”

I digress. If Mike de Leon’s Batch ’81 is about the torments of college fraternities (and Kakabakaba Ka Ba? is about Chinese gangsters, yakuzas and singing nuns, hehe), Kisapmata is about the tyranny of patriarchy. Charo Santos’ father goes beyond his role as just a father (and as a husband), way overboard, stopping his newlywed daughter from having a proper honeymoon, accompanying the couple on their dates even to the point of watching a movie at the theatres with them (Awkward…), forcing the couple to reside at his house, and even imposing time curfews on them. The domineering man is somehow able to intimidate and control, put fears in the minds of, her daughter, the daughter’s husband, her wife (Charito Solis), the maid and almost everyone else. What a fucking psychopath.

Our patriarchal society has been able to create such monsters who seem to think that men have authority over all the other members in the family and that they always have to be dominant and in control. That their sons, not their daughters, need to take their place and continue the bloodline. Of course, not all fathers are like that. But, in some way or form, most of them seem to have this ridiculous idea that they, and they only, are the heads of the household. “Hangga’t andito ka sa pamamahay ko na to, ako pa rin ang masusunod.” Notice how they only refer to themselves as the owners of their homes, excluding their wives. The foolish idea that their wives are just there for support. Hence, her position in the dinner table being beside the husband who is seated at the center. Not much has really changed, I tell you.

My father? Not exactly tyrannical and arrogant. But fussy and hot-tempered. He gets all worked up over the simplest things. He gets easily annoyed at most of my rash and hasty movements at home or elsewhere. He tries to pinpoint and correct every single flaw I have. Sometimes when he is around, I try to carefully watch every action I take just so he won’t get irritated and scold me for it. Sometimes, there is just no way you can ever please him. He’ll always find something that is wrong. Oh, the mess in your room. Oh, that little dirty spot on the floor that you forgot to clean. Being the grouchy and complaining person I am, I always get myself caught in arguments with him. If he gets overly mad at me, he won’t talk to me, directing all his orders and comments about me to my sister instead, for the whole day until I apologize. Apparently, it’s always my fault. And even if the reason why we argued in the first place was so petty and silly, I still say sorry just because I can’t stand it.

Then, there’s my mother who’s always on his side. Trying to indulge and excuse his faults and flaws, telling me that he just can’t express his feelings most of the time (well, let him himself express his own true feelings, his soft spot, for a change), and explaining that his unreasonable behavior and bad mood are due to his stress from work. Yeah, right.

But just like how I also acknowledge my own flaws and mistakes, I should also acknowledge the good things in him. He knows how to cook and sew(!). Hah, beat that. He did have a soft spot for the teledrama series Pangako Sa ‘Yo. Not that that is a good thing but it just shows his feminine side. He isn’t fond of sports, except tennis. A good thing, for me. He’s not exactly funny but he tries. I tell him whenever his jokes are corny. He’s never afraid to cry. He loves kids, and, unlike my mother, he could be very affectionate to them. And again, he was the one, not my mother, who excessively cared and showed deep concern for me when I was a kid. Although he never talks about my sexuality, he seems to love and accept me for who I am. I don’t have to talk with him in formal terms. He knows I respect him even though I talk to him as if he is just a friend, an equal, someone the same age as me. See, Chris, that wasn’t so hard. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t like to have anyone else for a father.



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  1. I feel. I wouldn’t exchange my dad for anyone else.

    Even for my mom.

    She’s my distress.

    • Baliktad tayo. Tatay ko, distress ko. Madalas kaming magtalo. Lagi kaming opposing forces, haha.

      • Aynako. Palagi rin kaming magka-away ng nanay ko. Nakakainis kasi, ayaw tumanggap ng pagkakamali. Banas. 8-|

  2. hmmm.. kaya ba you were thinking that you might be a disciplinarian kapag naging daddy ka na?

    anyway.. i find this post sweet. the thought of a father watching Pangako Sayo, caring much for kids, being able to accept you for who you are… nice =)

    btw, Batch 81 and Kakabakaba Ka Ba were two great films. i haven’t seen Kisapmata though =)

    • No, I don’t want to be militant on them :P. I wouldn’t try to pinpoint every mistake and flaw they have. But I would at least try not to spoil them.
      There’s nothing sweet about liking Pangako Sa Yo… But I’m just glad that my dad has such a soft spot for such things and that he also can be guilty of bad taste, haha.
      Yeah, I was shocked just an hour ago when my dad just joked about this guy, who called at home while I was away, being my boyfriend. Kind of glad that he can refer to it as well as joke about it. Unfortunately, the guy’s not :(. Cute pa naman, haha.
      Kisapmata is ka-ra-zy. At least the father is. A wacko. Did you watch Batch 81 and Kakabakaba Ka Ba in CinemaOne or something? Aaah, I wish CinemaOne was available here instead of ABS or GMA. Eeecch.

      • haha, that’s so cute of your dad to joke about your boyfriend “kuno”. =)

        i watched both films at UP Film Center way back in college =)

  3. this is sweet. at yun lang talaga nasabi ko. haha. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks πŸ˜€ although in the future, I will try to lessen the sugarcoating and sweetness. Expect more bitterness and angst in the future, haha XD.

      • i’m starting to like this side of you. but yeah, bitterness and angst suit you better. haha. πŸ™‚

  4. This pulled at some of my, err, heartstrings. LOL. I was surprised. I rarely get worked up when it comes to the Dad Topic.

    I guess no matter how patriarchy limits and represses fathers to express their individualities in fatherhood, we always find–here and there–bits of their human hearts.

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