I am so fucking sick of this stinkin’ little buttcrack of a town!

March 5, 2010 at 5:41 pm | Posted in Cynicism | 9 Comments

I have this amazing ability to stare at the computer for hours, absolutely doing nothing other than listening to music and browsing stuff. And I could go on listening to the same song for three or more times without getting sick of it. I could do this all day at times. Somebody, pinch me and get me out of this trance-like state. It’s a miracle that my eye vision is still effin’ 20-20 and that I don’t have a fat ass. And this is probably why I am more into passive activities (cinema, blogging, etc.).

**********

I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically… disappear. (Mysterious Skin, 2004)

I long for the life back home.

I mean, the Philippines. It’s already been six years since we came here (February 24, six years ago, oh boy) and, for some reason, I still don’t consider Canada my real home. Or at least, I don’t feel welcome here. Neither do I consider my birthplace, Bahrain, home although I do miss it sometimes especially the fact that it’s not as populated as Canada is and it is really a small country that you could literally go around the whole country in a day or less.

I long for the messy, disorganized and never-dull yet simple life.

Of course, it’s not perfect. I can criticize and nag about some of our country’s values and beliefs. But it’s still home. Sure, the Philippines is unfortunately westernized. It’s probably more westernized than the whole area of downtown Toronto. I blame globalization and the evil influence of Hollywood. But at least, there is still some little part of our own Philippine culture there, amidst the major influence of America in the Philippines. Screw your idolatry of American ideals and values. Screw the honkies.

I have this theory that a country’s degree of independence has a direct correlation to the same country’s level of success. And another rather strange theory. That a country’s usage of its native/primary language has an indirect correlation to the country’s level of success. But I see that this might not apply to other third-world countries. But look at the first-world countries. Germany, Greece, South Korea, Italy, Japan, France, Hong Kong… to name a few. In these countries, the English language is not first priority. The system doesn’t stubbornly try to force everyone to learn English. It gives more emphasis on its native/main language. And since most of these countries really stick to their own languages, they even have their own translators and translations in books, websites, films, etc. The Philippines, on the other hand…

I am tired of this peaceful and clean yet bland and uneventful shit of a life here.

Don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be any more grateful for the life I have here. But there is something disturbing about too much comfort, reassurance and silence. You know life is dull when people start and end their conversations and small talk with the weather, for crying out loud. Sorry, Canadians, but as much as I love cultural diversity, David Cronenberg, Guy Maddin, and independent video stores with large DVD collections, I don’t enjoy excessive courtesy and politeness, small talk about the weather, bland food and a lack of surprise and spice in this mundance place of a city. I want frequent brown-outs, traffic jams, and human drama. Canadians, let’s spice it up.

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9 Comments »

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  1. For startes, let me just say that Mysterious Skin was awesome and JGL is hot. LOL. πŸ˜‰

    You know, I haven’t lived anywhere but here (Pinas) although I grew up in different parts. I always say that I would never want to leave the country, no matter how fucked up things are sometimes. However, I know this can change if I do experience living somewhere else. But if that happens, I know I’ll miss this place all the same.

    Also, just a thought, maybe it’s not the place, but just how you err, experience things? Live your life over there? πŸ™‚ Don’t bite my head off. Sometimes, the ferocity in your writing scares me. :p

    • Mysterious Skin is absolutely one of my most favorite films of the decade :D. Fucking pleased that you loved it :).

      Thoughts on Joseph Gordon-Levitt: “Fuck me! Fuck me up the ass with your hot, teenage cock!” Bwahehehe.

      You know what, good for you, for not leaving our godforsaken land no matter what and for not leaving it as soon as you get the chance. And I’m being sincere here. If it were up to me, I would have just stayed in the Philippines for good. I hate to say this but my whole life has been really comfortable and secure (not exactly a good thing) and I don’t like that. But I dunno if I would be able to decide to go back for good and leave the comforts of life here. Call me a hypocrite but we usually can’t leave something we’re used to.

      Hear me roar. RAWRR. Oops, came out not as fierce as I thought it would be :P. I do hope that was a compliment though :P.

      • You’re the King of TMI. LOL. πŸ™‚ And yeah, I totally got into Mysterious Skin. It was a mesmerizing movie.

        Your statements make sense. It would be really hard to uproot yourself and start over somewhere, no matter how much you love the new place. You’re no hypocrite, just being honest, which is something you don’t find in many people.

        And yes, that was definitely a compliment. πŸ˜‰

      • Thanks, I pride myself at being that. XD

        I just got that quote from the film Mysterious Skin. It came from one of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s clients. Don’t ya remember? Haha, but that’s seriously still my personal thoughts on JGL.

        Yes, I can even be pretty explicit when I want to. It’s just that either people are too conservative or I am too blunt.

  2. And I can already imagine you listening to all those too gay for you songs like I’m every woman and our friends would make fun of you. Haha. πŸ˜›

    That last scene on Mysterious Skin makes me cry every time I watch it. I don’t even know why, I guess I was feeling for what’s-his-name, the character that is not JGL that I found very attractive. You know I have a thing for geeky boys, don’t you?

    Then come back. You promised you’d save for another visit next year. We’ll be waiting for you. And of course, the chocolates. πŸ™‚

    • TSE! I dunt ker, ok!? πŸ˜›

      I was just listening to Gloria Gaynor’s I am What I am so from that, you can tell what kinds of songs do I usually listen to (and awkwardly dance to XD) more than two times a day. Hahaha.

      Ugh. There’s usually a server error everytime I try to visit your blog. Boo, that’s what you get from getting a .com blog. πŸ˜›

      Geeky boys are my thing too. If they’re geekier than I am, the better ;).

      I am not even sure if I’ll be able to go home next year. But we’ll see what happens. If I do go back later rather than next year, I’ll make up for it with dozens of chocolates and whatever ya want (note, within limits). πŸ˜€

  3. maraming kulang at pangit sa Pinas which makes more and more Filipinos choose to leave and live in other countries, but at the end of the day, it still feels great to be at home–where you heart really is.. ^_^

    • Awww, I couldn’t have said it any better. πŸ˜€
      Filipinos who leave the Philippines either become so homesick or try so hard to forget their origins. Fuck the latter. They’re not fooling anyone.
      Sometimes, I seriously feel sorry for the Filipinos who didn’t grow up in the Philippines. They never had the taste of simple life.

  4. Whatever floats your boat is fine with me. πŸ˜‰ I can take the TMI anytime. Hehe.


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