Reasons as to why I still have no significant other.

February 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm | Posted in Doki Doki | 7 Comments

Post-Valentine’s day whining and contemplating. Again, I am not craving for your sympathy or wallowing in self-pity. I am only listing for myself reasons, as well as excuses, as to why I am still alone and have no love prospects. Hey, if you can freely post all of your icky photos in Facebook with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse/whatever just to brag about it and to show that there’s somebody there that actually loves you, despite your idiocy and superficiality, and childishly talk so much about how marvelous your V-day was with your significant other that a lot of us puked (as if anybody fucking cared or asked), I can complain about why I am still alone and still have no experience in the matters of romance while you do.

* It’s just tough luck. There is no such thing as coincidence or fate in this life. There’s only luck. Either you have that or you don’t. It’s that painfully simple. And if there was fate, it could just easily knock on my door and all I had to do was just open it. Some douchebags have it easy. They meet their partners during high school, or even at an earlier stage of life. They are what we call, excuse me as I barf, childhood sweethearts or high school sweethearts.

Of all the kinds of lovers, I find the childhood sweethearts the most annoying. First of all, they have their work cut out for them. They don’t have to worry about ending up being bachelors/bachelorettes for the rest of their lives. They don’t have to go through the agony and awkwardness of flirting, finding potential partners, etc. For short, they are lucky. What do they have in common? In most cases, none. It just so happens that their parents were close friends since they were young, both of them were in the same classes, they ended up being seatmates most of the time, or the guy is usually stubborn, eager and pigheaded while the girl convinces herself that he is the guy for him, out of fear that she will never find anyone else. Huh, and they call me a pathetic loser.

* I am extremely picky and have high standards. From the song of the very be-you-tee-ful gay-friendly goddess Lady GaGa, “Cause I do not accept any less than someone just as real, as fabulous”. Of course, she’s talking about how she doesn’t want “no paper gangsta” (a fake) for a lover but you get my point. I may come off as superficial but the way I see it, looks shouldn’t be a plus; it must be a must. Beauty is relative. It’s not absolute. I don’t expect an Adonis, a man who seems like he was just made out of marble and carved like a beautiful Greek man, to be the one whom I can spend the rest of my life with. Looks fade over time, and those muscles are going to be flabby when he grows old, woman. But I want someone whom I do find at least attractive, if not hunky and beautiful according to Hollywood and fashion standards. If he’s prettier than me, now that’s going to be the plus.

Of course, I am not that shallow. Like I said, I do have high standards. This man of mystery and still unknown whereabouts (I’m calling out to you) must not be a philistine. He must not be materialistic, possessive and shallow. He doesn’t have to like the things I love. But at the very least, he must love good books, films, art and music. If possible, he should have better tastes than me. Of course, once in a while, guilty pleasures can be excusable and overlooked. Maturity is a must, but childish pursuits and interests are okay with me as long as they’re minimal. I do have my own childish hobbies and interests myself. Cynicism, sarcasm, non-conformity and a bit of bitterness are crucial, but not mandatory as I don’t want my own doppelganger sleeping with me. That’s narcissism. And the rest are the usual stuff: he can be someone who has a sense of humor and laugh at the little things, whom I can easily talk to, whom I can argue with about politics and films among other things, yada-yada and all that corn.

* I’m way too good for them. Delusions of grandeur or narcissism, perhaps, but at least I’m being blunt and never go acting humble, saint-like and all that shit. I definitely could do better. I don’t want to just go hump the first guy who flirts with me. Though, I still have yet to have a flirt encounter. Maybe, I’m not that attractive? Nah, they probably just can’t tell.

* My friends’ friends aren’t gay. Neither are my friends, unfortunately. Then again, most of the guys aren’t my type anyways. Let’s face it, that’s usually how we meet our significant others. Through friends or other acquaintances. I am guessing that I am one of the very few gay people they know, or at least one of the gay ones that are out of the closet. I just say, come out, come out wherever you are. Just leave your girlfriend, show that you’re as fabulous as she is, and tell me that you’re a fellow sis-tah. You’re only fooling yourself. So, my friends, I order you to go out there and find him for me; this will make my work easier for me. It’s the best you can do after all the homophobic jokes and ignorant comments you have thrown at me.

You know how women say all the great men are either gay or taken? Why doesn’t this seem to be the case in my situation? When I meet or encounter someone hot and worth a glance, they usually have that sense and look that they can’t wait to get into the pants of their girlfriends as they seem ready to devour their girlfriends’ faces. And when I meet someone whom I think is gay, they either are taken or, you know, look like fiendish apes.

* I need to get off my fucking seat and go out there and find him; he’s not going to give you hints or knock on your door anytime soon because you must do the work yourself, dammit. See, I am capable of knowing my own shortcomings without you telling me. But I like to be the one being approached. At least, it will give me the illusion that it was fate and that we were meant to be. At times, I can be pretty romantic, or probably just plain delusional. It’s the same way I am with my friends. I am rarely the one who approach them. They were usually the ones who tried to talk with me and I slowly learned to get to know them and love them for who they are. Awwwww, cheesy. That of course explains the fact that I have only a few close friends. Not to mention, that I am very introverted and shy.

But where to find him? And first and foremost, how to easily determine if one is gay, without going on circles or directly asking him? At the gay community downtown? I’d probably be a laughingstock, as I’m probably not what most of them are looking for in a man. Cruising? Do they still do that? It’s not the 1970s or 1980s anymore. Online dating? I always thought I’d never get myself caught dead using that thing but I have to no avail. At gay bars and other gay social clubs? I’m not much of a partygoer and I never dance in public, for fear of ridicule and embarrassment. I do unabashedly at home to disco and dance songs you can’t ever admit to liking. For now, I’ll just wait patiently and just let life take its course.

**********

Out of topic. I am currently catching up listening to some of the supposedly the best singles of the decade according to the staff of Slant Magazine. And I can’t believe how I am only familiar with most of the hiphop and RnB stuff here and I haven’t listened to most of them. Yes, my taste in music sucks, as I could be satisfied to listening to Mika or Lady GaGa or other pop songs all day without trying anything new, but I fucking make up for it with my badass taste in movies, fool. What do you think about Slant Magazine’s Best of the Aughts: Singles? And while you’re at it, check their Best of the Aughts: Films. Overall, it’s great and does know its world cinema although I loathe some of the choices. I could take all day talking about that films list.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ Zero is awesome.

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7 Comments »

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  1. LOVE is a revolutionary patience. Just wait.. Someday, your prince will surely cum. πŸ™‚

    • Does the happily ever after ending also happen to cynical queers like me who don’t believe in fate?

      • I don’t know. I’m a cynic. Yes, I too don’t believe in fate because there’s no such thing as too soon or scheduled.. but I believe in miracles.

        Since I believe in miracles, I also believe in happy ending. This “happy ending” thing does hinge on hope.. Since I am hoping, then I making the “happy ending” thing possible. I dn’t know. it’s just me πŸ™‚

  2. You know, after reading all this, I am sincerely hoping you do find him soon. Or he finds you.

    This reaction is not out of pity (you might kill me) or whatever, but mainly because I’m excited as to how you’ll handle it. And I’m really hoping it’s with someone who’s not really the dream guy for you, per se. :p I hope you keep us posted. πŸ˜‰

    • Thank you. >:D< Even I don't get that from my friends. They really couldn't care less if I do find the one or not.

      Ok, if you're just saying this out of pity, I just might resort to scratching your eyes out. Hahaha XD.

      Yes, I have a feeling that if ever I do find him, he wouldn't be my dream guy. Yes, I myself wonder how I'll handle him, este, the relationship XD. I just hope I don't become clingy and needy as others I know tend to be.

      Will do. That is, if anything happens.

      • LOL. I get the feeling that you’re scared about the whole thing. Or am I wrong?

      • Aba, aba, diretsuhan na to ah. Haha :P.

        I would be lying if I were to say I wasn’t. I mean, it would be my first relationship with someone else, to be honest. And I am not exactly a people person. I think you can tell, haha. I think I must be scared of… men. =O Oh my. XD

        And being cynical and realistic sure doesn’t help :P.


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